Wash Away Those Years

For the longest time I have had a problem with crying. Not that I think crying is stupid or anything like that. I want to cry, I understand the value of crying, of allowing your tears to flow so as to wash away the pain, or at least release some of it.

The problem I have with crying is that I struggle to cry. I sometimes sit and feel my heart breaking, I feel the hurt and pain as it overflows and seems to be too much for my emotional, mental and physical self to contain. I feel like my head and body want to explode and all I want to do is cry, to let it all out. But something inside me holds onto my control so hard that my head soon does explode... Into a pounding headache that soon becomes a migraine.

I learned at a conference this weekend held by Lynne Fraser, an amazingly inspirational woman, that I am not celebrating and being grateful for the one tear that does fall. I have been expecting myself to cry with tears streaming down my face. That it should pour with as much power, freedom and velocity as the Victoria Falls during the rainy season. The only times that my tears do actually flow is when I have a nervous breakdown, and though that helps and though it is necessary at times it is not the same or as healthy as quietly sitting and just crying. I am working on appreciating my one or two tears and trying to teach myself to stop forcing it. To just let it be.

I think that in itself is a valuable lesson to learn even in the greater scheme of things. To just appreciate things as they are, as apposed to trying to force it to the way I want it to be and then ending up with disappointment and a massive headache.

So here I want to share a song from Creed which I haven't listened to in a long time and which used to help me cry a bit more fully than I have in a long time.

Maybe it will help you too or help someone that you may know that is struggling with releasing those emotions.

So here I go, on the road to washing away those years through tears.

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*(Lyrics)

She came calling

One early morning

She showed her crown of thorns

She whispered softly

To tell a story

About how she had been wronged

As she lay lifeless

He stole her innocence

And this is how she carried on

This is how she carried on

Well I guess she closed her eyes

And just imagined everything's alright

But she could not hide her tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

They were sent to wash away those years

My anger's violent

But still I'm silent

When tragedy strikes at home

I know this decadence Is shared by millions

Remember you're not alone

Remember you're not alone

Well if you just close your eyes

And just imagine everything's alright

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

Well if you just close your eyes

And just imagine everything's alright

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

They were sent to wash away those years

Maybe we can wash away those years

For we have crossed many oceans

And we labor in between

In life there are many quotients

And I hope I find the mean

the mean, the mean

Well if you just close your eyes

And just imagine everything's alright

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

Well if you just close your eyes

And just imagine everything's alright

But do not hide your tears

'Cause they were sent to wash away those years

Maybe we can wash away those years

I hope that you can wash away those years